dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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