Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Randomize
