Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
