I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
