Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
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