Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
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