I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
