woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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