hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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