Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I will pee on everything he values.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
the liver wants what the liver wants
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Randomize
