My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize
