Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
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