wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
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