Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
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