she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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