just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Randomize
