ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
