sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
