Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
