Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I don't think brook has ever known best
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
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