Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
This couple is walking their pig around campus
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
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