Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
