Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
