I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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