He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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