New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
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