the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
