we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
