i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Randomize
