I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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