I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
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