Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Randomize
