I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
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