Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
