Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
