hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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