the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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