I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
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