Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Randomize
