life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
