Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
