I seem to have left my pride at pride
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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