No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
