I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
