you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
