dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
