I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
You should frame my arrest warrant.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
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