Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
