i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
we made out on top of his cat.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Randomize
