every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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