I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
